How The Women's March Helped Me Find My Voice
The video below is the morning of Election Day, Tuesday, November 8th. Hope was still greatly felt in the air. Along with a heavy blanket of anxiety produced from simply not knowing what our future would look like.
I went on to teach a yoga class that evening, at that point noticing the anxiety within myself. Perhaps I got from absorbing it in the air it was so thick that day. I generally ask everyone how they're feeling before starting class, nobody usually says anything at all, usually complete silence. That day, several folks yelled out, "I'm SO stressed out", "I'm Anxious!", I even got an "I'm scared!" that day...Wow, what a day to teach yoga. I felt like I had a real duty that day to help these folks who have been affected so greatly. All of us still did not know what the outcome would be as our class was before any announcements had been made. I tried to remind everyone that this yoga class is precious self-care time that we have all carved out time for today. To own that time that you've made for yourself by focusing on your breath, your body, and giving yourSelf some love. At the end I shared one of my favorite quotes:
Absolute Uncertainty by Bija Bennett
Certainty. That really means: Inevitable result, forgone conclusion, and sure thing. When we feel uncertain in life we tend to grab for something to hold onto that feels certain. When we desire certainty in our lives we can fix ourselves on an outcome or hold onto a given boundary. We can notice how that fixing and holding feels inside the body. Find out, what would it be like to go deep inside and just breathe for a moment. Lower the bucket into the well and see what comes up. Feel the breath surrounding the tension of your grasp. It's true that letting go is frightening. But so what? TRUST YOURSELF. BREAK THE BOUNDARIES. AND DIVE INTO ABSOLUTE UNCERTAINTY. Throw it all into the air with your breath. Because whatever you really need will come back and whatever you don't will just drift away.
As I was surrounded by family and friends to receive the results of the election I felt this overwhelming feeling of guilt come over me for even trying to make those people in my yoga class feel better- after hearing the results. I felt like I had kind of fooled them into believing that we would all get a decent result. Which got me to thinking about how much I have spoken up about what I believe in and what I'm doing for my beliefs. Besides short and sweet conversations with close friends where neither of us is really even trying to talk about it. NONE. I haven't said ONE thing about the election, about protecting our water, about my own personal highs and lows, about truth & justice. This feeling like I couldn't speak my truth was taking over, and I was sitting back watching it all happen. This feeling I'm calling, Spiritual Strep Throat. I'm happy to share there have been a series of positive events to lead me back to my voice- bit by bit and song by song.
The Women's March
The event that has so far made the biggest change in my being was yesterday's Women's March on D.C. We attended the march in San Francisco in solidarity with our DC sisters and brothers. We prepared by painting our signs containing messages that we truly believed in (and puppies!)
We dressed in our rain gear and even a little festive flair and started making our way over the Golden Gate Bridge.
We magically found our way into a parking spot and started seeing multiple buses of people getting dropped off dressed in pink with their signs- all types of people...young, old, all colors and shapes...it was truly beautiful to witness. We followed the crowd to the Rally at the Civic Center.
We immediately hit a wall of people but everyone was kind and most were smiling even though it was raining and people were moving past each other like blades of grass swaying in the wind. We were able to listen to some incredible speakers. One of my favorite messages during, Ameena Jandali's (I believe it was her- I couldn't see anything!) speech was that although this was not the outcome of what most of us wanted, that most likely, we all wouldn't have gathered as we all did yesterday. That we would have perhaps been celebrating but probably not Marching for what We, as Women, believe is right. That I probably wouldn't have gotten to meet some amazing people or find new inspiration within mySelf yesterday. That I wouldn't have been 1 of 100,000 in San Francisco that believes in truth, justice and a bright future for all. Had our outcome not been what it was, perhaps, I wouldn't have gotten to smile at a thousand strangers yesterday. Or appreciate the SFPD quietly at the sidelines actually protecting us, making sure nobody got hurt, and even some marching along with us women. Thank you for sharing that message, Ameena. We all have amazing power within us. If we can harness that power together than there is no stopping us. Immense and infinite gratitude to all the righteous women who have paved the way, to the women who organized marchers all around yesterday, to the women who marched, to the women who cheered on friends and family to be there in spirit, to the men who help make it all happen. I love you. Please know that you can make a much needed positive difference in our future. Please know that your truth needs to be spoken and heard.
Spiritual Strep Throat
Another great length of time has passed since my last post on Social Media. I'm pretty sure my last post on all platforms was in October sometime. Why should that be poignant information? To anyone? In truth, I'd bet most of the people I'm "friends" with or my "followers" have not noticed my absence one bit. They're certainly not keeping track of the last time I posted something. Over the last months there have been plenty of times I've wanted to share cute pics of my dogs, some amazing salad I made, and probably about 1000 nature pictures....oh, and we can't forget the massive amount of yoga pics stored up in my i Cloud. My absence on social media is not due to my wanting to "take a break" - I did that already. (It was amazing and I highly recommend everyone take a break from social media every now and then.) My absence was not due to being too busy. My absence was not due to protecting my eyes from all the nonsense on social media. No, my absence was due to something more troubling. You see, I lost my voice. I don't mean in the sore throat, I-can't-talk, kind of way. I mean in the way that I've kept silent about Standing Rock and Sabal Trail. I mean in the way I've kept silent about how our Veterans are treated. I've kept silent about major losses in my life. I've kept silent about being extorted, back-stabbed, and betrayed. I've kept silent about self care, healing, and meditation. I've kept silent when I should be congratulating and promoting my friends and colleagues in all of the amazing work they are doing and sharing. I've kept quiet about climate change- even though I've painted signs and attended protests. I've remained silent about the magical artists, music makers, soul shakers, writers and truth talkers that my life is abundantly blessed with. I've been keeping my pen cap on tight and my lips sealed shut about the classes and workshops that I so carefully create to offer as a healing spirit gift to you, and you, and you....
Why?!?! Why keep silent when there are so many fruitful topics to discuss? This was not a conscious choice for me. It's just like when you catch a cold and literally lose your voice. It hurts to talk. In fact, the pain gets worse if you even try to talk. Nobody can understand you anyway because the words that you speak sound like someone scratching a chalkboard, and nobody likes that noise.
As I wrote the above analogy a funny thought came to me that the sickness that I caught, I'd like to call Spiritual Strep Throat. Spiritual Strep Throat or SST is a blockage of the throat energy center or throat chakra. A blockage of speaking my truth, finding my spirit voice, communicating kindly, and many other communication skills just gone. Seemingly never coming back. We all have these thoughts when we're sick like, "Is this how I'm going to feel forever?" "Will I ever get my voice back?"
I take tinctures, I practice Yoga & meditation, I eat healthy, I get outside and touch the earth often, I have great friends and family......How could I have possibly gotten the cold? I never get sick! (raise your computer hand if you've said that one before lol)
SST does not care about all the tinctures and meditation I think I'm doing properly. I think I lost my spirit voice without even knowing it or experiencing any symptoms. It's something that happens over an extended period of time and something that will take an extended length of time to heal. I don't yet feel fully healed. Nor do I feel like I have a guide book to share with you regarding how to cure your own SST (But when I do I'll be happy to share!). Just know that if you feel like you've caught the bug that you are not alone, you WILL get better, your voice will come back stronger than ever before, and it will take time. Keep doing the things that you know make your spirit soar. Be kind and easy with yourself. Especially when you are not feeling well.
The good news I have to share is that I'm finding my voice again. I'm kicking this "cold" and I have got A LOT to say. I'm finding ways to speak out about the topics that are important to me and I think will be important to you. Like the pipelines, veterans, music, losses, betrayals, heartbreaks, magic, art, medicine, and all the rainbows in between, seamlessly weaving it all together.
Please, find solace in my words. May my posts be of benefit. Please feel free to share what you find to be helpFULL. Please connect with me over something you find. Stay tuned for all of the curing conjuring columns being sent out into the network of love- one by one.
From my Spirit Voice to Yours,
In need of inspiration? Here are some short videos from the San Francisco Women's March: