New Year Intentions + The Phoenix Rising In Each Of Us
In general, each of these blog posts is written when I feel inspired to write about whatever it is I'm writing about. Usually, first thing in the morning after my meditation I feel inspired to sit down and write for a bit. I use pen and paper and a big note book so I have plenty of room. I just write what comes, what I'm excited to share, or what feels important to me. Sometimes, I don't share what I write. Before I post anywhere I usually read over my writing at least a billion times. Not to check for grammatical errors but to check that my integrity is in line with my words. As I read over this piece today, that was written before the inauguration, my old (and new) problems feel small. I feel sickeningly privileged where I sit right now. The disasters in other people's lives far surpass any loss or pain I have ever had to endure. These folks are experiencing loss and fire in such a way that I hope I never have to fully understand. These folks do not deserve to know loss like this. Nobody does. While many of my words in this post seem over dramatic, I feel that I am a microcosm of the macrocosm. My pain is relative to the pain in your life. My experiences are, so fortunately, experiences that have not put my life in serious danger yet they are experiences that have teachings within. Perhaps you'll find comfort in this story or find new perspective on troubled times. No matter what you take from this story, please know that my heart, prayers, action, phone calls, emails, protests, donations go out to those experiencing true loss and suffering in the world- I pray each day a better world for you- and encourage those capable to do the same.
Out Of Ashes: Spirit Grows
Around this time of year people all over the world are evaluating their past year- highlighting highs and perhaps the lows, as well as, inviting in goals or resolutions for the new year. Some people may be beginning to evaluate this year's new goals as we come to complete January. One of my favorite teachers called himself obnoxious on this podcast I was listening to because he is not into the new years resolution trend. Rather, that it is within his instinct to be constantly evaluating and correcting. I feel like we all do that. Some may not realize that their even doing this self evaluation while the other end of the spectrum may take self evaluation to extremes resulting in some type of neurosis. I believe this teacher was talking more about that fine middle ground wherein you see yourself going off track and you reel yourself- gently and kindly- back in. In reality, is January 1st much different than February 1st? Is one day on the calendar more important than another?
Regardless of the day I want it to be known that I am a fan of creating intentions, inviting in goals, working proactively towards them and evaluating my progress along the way. Regardless of the day I want it to be known that I largely strive to honor each step of my past and, when looking back, striving to zoom in on the teachings of each of those past steps. It is with these thoughts in mind that I walk my path, every day. Each day a new beginning with the rising of the sun. Each day a basket of teachings to be absorbed.
I do feel excited for a fresh new year. I'm on a new side of the country (hey west coast!). I have several new jobs. I have a new home. I have major new terrain to explore with my two healthy feet (and some four-legged friends!). The new in my life is certainly outweighing the old. Yet, the journey must be honored. Truths must be spoken and hearts must be healed. The past must be celebrated with a welcoming spirit.
At the beginning of a new year we tend to survey the previous year. We tend to contemplate accomplished goals and last years shortcomings. We tend to go back to those major, sometimes tragic, life events that lie between goal-reaching and shortcomings. When I rewind the tape bringing me back to the beginning of 2016 it looks like the most terrifying roller coaster I've ever had the opportunity to ride. As if the fire of my life was lit on the very first day of the year and with each passing day the fire was stoked with another precious piece of my life.(Thank goodness this is a figurative fire) My business, my home, my belongings, my family and community- all taken out from under me and tossed into the fire.The fire grew and grew, with precious piece after precious piece, until there was absolutely nothing left to throw into the most magnificently huge, ironically beautiful, fire I have ever seen. As painful as many(<---understatement) of my experiences were, those bright-light-miracle experiences were not without their presence and their purpose. Although replaying the scenes of the dearest parts of my life seemingly going up in flames is still, at times, painful to think about. I know- I know as if it is an absolute truth that we must have fire. We must have fire just as we must have earth, air, and water. It is said that one must experience loss to know gain. One must experience pain to know joy and comfort. There must be balance. Life's ultimate truths will be known.
Most of us are all too familiar with fire and what comes next. With fire we have ashes. Out of ashes spirit rises. New growth magically sprouts from nutritional earthly ashes. Some may even find their super human wings. Yes. I'm talking about that inexplicable Phoenix rising from the ashes of every single thing burning in your fire. The pain of what brought the ashes is now feeding the spirit in a new heroic manner and we have these much needed wings to swiftly pull ourselves out of the fire pit. We don't need to learn to fly- it is already within each of us to be our own hero. But for real, how do I learn to soar? I'm kinda kidding....But seriously though, it is not easy to look at a heaping pile of your life burnt to nothing and know that you have to keep going. Shit, knowing is the easier part. Getting going, putting one foot in front of the other, picking yourSelf up, is so so so hard. Probably the hardest thing we will ever have to do.
As much as I feel my phoenix self learning how to soar along I am still very much on the journey of flight. I've been oh-so quietly piecing the puzzle together in efforts to not only help my spirit soar but to speak the gospel in such a way that spirit after spirit soars high. Over this year I intend on learning how to use my wings. I intend to share my experiences that may be of benefit to others. I intend to speak my sacred truths and walk my path just as it is intended for me.